I’m not Afraid of Dying

But it would be really inconvenient.

Photo by panyawat auitpol on Unsplash

It is a very brave thing to proclaim an absence of fear concerning death. Especially when you find yourself in a waiting room at the Mayo Clinic and you have the ticking time bomb of cancer lying snug in your body. But, that’s exactly where I find myself on this fine morning.

I have prostrate cancer. I was diagnosed in 2018 with a tumor that my doctor said was the smallest tumor I could have and still call cancer. So, it’s not a lot of cancer, but still, it’s cancer. He suggested active surveillance, which involves a PSA test and office visit every six months.

That’s why I’m here this morning. It’s time for one of those six month tests. I’ve just had my blood drawn, and now I have a couple of hours to kill while I wait on the result. Since my original diagnosis, my PSA results have stayed steady, and that is a very good thing. Now, I’ll sip my coffee, read a little, and wait on the results that will be posted to my online patient record.

I’ll even see them before my office visit.

Those were my thoughts during my recent semi-annual visit to Mayo. My PSA wound up being a little higher than last time, but still not high enough to warrant a change in treatment plans.

I was instructed to continue living happily and return in six months for another exam.

So, how does all this apply to my feelings about death? We all know, in the abstract, that we will die. Some of us, due to health issues, expect that it might come sooner than later. And those without health issues know it will happen but never expect it in the coming days, months, years, or even decades.

I know that someday I will die. Whether it’s from cancer, heart attack, vehicle wreck, or getting hit by a bus while jogging, it will happen.

But I’m really not afraid to die. A big part of that lack of fear comes from my Christian faith. I sincerely believe that upon dying, I will enter a much better existence than I currently inhabit.

But, all things considered, I’m in no hurry.

The lovely and talented Mrs Ward still tolerates my presence, and the grandsons are still happy to see me when I visit. A few of them even think I’m cool. I certainly…